Let Me Love You
by melily10
Summary: "She remember herself nodding as if she understood what he was saying, as if it was just something so ordinary that there wasn't a doubt in their minds that she would get through this. That in a few days she would be planing the funeral. Peyton's funeral. Her Peyton."
1. Numb

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill.

**Let Me Love You**

**1 NUMB**

Brooke wasn't sure how she got on her couch. She wasn't even sure when had she arrived at her place. All she could remember was how just after she got the phone call telling her Angie was fine there was a police man knocking at her house to tell her how there was a car accident just an hour ago.

She remember herself nodding as if she understood what he was saying, as if it was just something so ordinary that there wasn't a doubt in their minds that she would get through this. That in a few days she would be planing the funeral and go on with her life. Peyton's funeral. Her Peyton.

She guessed that after the police men left with a concerned glance, she called Haley. She wasn't sure about that, nor was she sure how the rest of the night went. At some point she remembered Lucas putting her on her bed before leaving to the living room where he could whisper in hushed voices with Nathan and Haley. But she didn't sleep. All she could think was: _what kind of freaking joke was that?_ Because surely Peyton wasn't dead, there wasn't a way in hell that _that _could be true. No. She was sure of it.

At some point at night, when she just couldn't wait for Peyton to arrive, she decided to call her and tell her about this insanity. But Peyton didn't answer her phone, so she just left a message at the answer machine, all the while laughing because she was certain that Peyton would call her an idiot for believing that she'd actually leave Brooke alone. She was still laughing when Lucas got in her bedroom and took the phone away from her. She didn't stop laughing when he hugged her and told her they would get through this together, that he wasn't going to leave her side.

After he put her on her bed was when she realised that she wasn't laughing. She was actually crying, but not just some quiet weeping, she was verily sobbing. So hard her whole body was shaking. So hard she got exhausted and ended up asleep in Lucas arms.

Brooke didn't help to organise the funeral. In reality she didn't do anything. Not that anyone asked her to, in fact much on the contrary. Haley and Nathan were the ones that did mostly of it. Some others helped too, someone got hold of Peyton's father as well. Lucas helped a bit but he was most responsable for making sure she ate and showered and slept. Not that she contributed with him. It wasn't like she was doing it on purpose, she just couldn't find in herself to actually do this kind of things alone. Besides, she was sure that Peyton would come back.

There were a lot of people for Peyton's funeral, even Jake and little Jenny were there. Brooke supposed she and Jake talked for a bit, but she couldn't remember what though. Almost everyone hugged her, that she was sure, but she didn't hug anyone back. Her eyes were fixed on the ground where her best friend in the world was being buried. Jamie didn't hug her, he just held her hand in silence and she loved him a bit more for it. Lucas didn't as well, but his arms never left her shoulders. At some point when the coffin was going down, her knees bucked and Lucas held her more firmly against him. She wanted to thank him but all she could manage was some weak sound that sounded more like a sob than a real word. She cried, she knew because her cheeks were wet and Nathan dried a few tears that would fall sometimes, but most of all she felt numb.

The next thing she knew, she was on her couch with Haley doing some hot beverage on her kitchen, Skills and Mouth were on the corner of her living room talking quietly, Millie was by her side holding her hand, having given up trying to make her speak. Nathan was holding a sleeping Jamie in his lap, and Lucas was, of course, holding her. However, she still felt numb.

A few days went by and a new routine was placed on her life. She would wake up, Lucas would be there to make sure she ate, he would talk, she would pretend she was listening, he would go work and Millie would come to keep her company. Haley would come make lunch and then, she and Nathan would trade places untill Lucas arrived, when he would get them dinner. He would make sure she showered and put her in bed, holding her while she cried herself to sleep.

The first night, Lucas slept on the couch, but Brooke had a nightmare and woke up screaming her lungs out. When that happened again the night after, he decided to just stay there with her, keeping the monsters away. She was glad for that.

Sometimes she would talk. Silly things she remembered from her childhood. Things Peyton and her did when they still believed the world was a magical place and nothing could keep them apart. Things before Lucas or dead mothers. Sometimes she would talk about their plans, how they would get married or how many children they would have. How they would take holidays together with their families. Those nights, Lucas just listened, glad for the break of her silence. He knew it was going to be a hard journey for her to recover, but Brooke was so strong that he was sure she'd get better. At least, that was what he hoped.

* * *

This is my first OTH story. I had the idea a few days ago when I read some fiction about Peyton's death.

Please note that English is not my mother tongue, so there will be some mistakes. I tried my best to make sure there isn't any, but if you find some, please tell me so I can correct it.

I write mostly for myself but this time I decided to publish this story, so **reviews would be mostly appreciated for I will not continue posting if there isn't any**. I don't see a point in doing it if no one will give me their opinion.

Thank you, I hope you'll enjoy it!

Lily.


	2. Baby Steps

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill

**Let Me Love You**

**2 BABY STEPS**

Two weeks later, Brooke woke up with a start. She had a dream with Peyton, but this time it wasn't like the others she recently was having. It was nice, just the two of them, laying on the bed doing what they used to do before. She was reading a magazine while Peyton was drawing. It was quiet and nice and everything it could never be again.

She crept out of the bed silently to not wake Lucas up. She knew he wasn't getting a good night sleep because of her. Quietly, she went to the door she was avoiding like the plague and opened as slowly as possible. She didn't realise the tears that floated her eyes as she took in Peyton's bedroom. Brooke could smell her in every bit of dust that had accumulated there. With shaken legs and arms hugging her sides tightly, she ventured inside breathing in the untouched room.

Lucas woke up missing the warm body laying by his side that he got used to having this past couple weeks. With a quick scan in the room he noticed with growing concern that Brooke was nowhere in sight, so, throwing his legs out of the bed, he was down the hall within a blink of an eye. When he heard the soft crying coming from Peyton's room, Lucas got in with wide eyes only to find a weeping Brooke folding with extremely delicacy her best friend's old clothes.

Kneeling by her side, Lucas put his hands over her shaking ones and spoke softly as to not startle her:

"Brooke, why don't you do this tomorrow morning? It's three a.m. yet."

She didn't respond, just like he knew she wouldn't. Instead, she just kept organising the clothes in two columns. One way bigger than the other.

"All right", Lucas said with a sigh, "what are you doing?"

"I'm separating the ones I'll give away and the ones I want to keep". She answered with a gesture. Brooke's voice wasn't more than a whisper but Lucas heard anyway. Those past days, when she would talk, it'd be in such a hushed tone that the house had to be in completely silence for Brooke to be heard. "These are the ones going, and these I'll just keep for..." Brooke trailed off. The pile with most of the clothes was the one she was intending to keep, Lucas noticed with sad eyes.

"Don't you think it'd be better to just keep one shirt or two?" He asked gently afraid to upset her even more.

"But these were her favorites... I can't just give it away". She said with such a small voice that he thought his heart broke. Lucas had never seen Brooke looking so lost and uncertain in his life. And he had been there when she had to give Angie back.

"I know this is hard, but I honestly think it'd be better for you to just keep a couple. You know you'll only hurt more to have to look at them."

"You're wrong. There's absolutely no way I can hurt more."

Lucas said nothing, but he saw Brooke go with his advice, putting all the clothes in the same pile. They spent the rest of the night going through Peyton's belongs only stopping when Lucas would hug Brooke when she'd start to cry harder.

Lucas went downstairs to make them breakfast after Brooke gave him all of Peyton's CDs. He cried with her that time, memories of countless times he and Peyton spent listening to those albums flowing his memories; he and the others were doing all they could to not leave Brooke alone, but this time he just had to get out of the room. When the eggs and bacon were ready, he went to call Brooke, only to find her sleeping, hugging Peyton's folder of old drawings.

He carefully took the folder away and carried Brooke to her bedroom. After tucking her in bed, he gently run his fingers over her cheek, a sad smile on his face. He knew it had taken a lot of her to go through Peyton's stuff, and he knew it'd take a lot more time for her to come to terms with her best friend's passing, but she finally was recovering it. Lucas just wished he could take her pain away, even if he was hurting as well.

Brooke woke up with the soft sound of a knock on her door. She didn't remember falling asleep, but nowadays there were so many things she didn't remember that she just pushed the thought aside. With a quiet _come in_, Haley opened the door and sat next to her on the bed.

"Lucas told me you were organising Peyton's things."

"Yeah... I had a dream last night." Brooke said with lost eyes. "Haley... I don't know if I can do this." She said with a broken voice.

"Of course you can. Listen, I know this is hard, she was like a sister to me too, but you and I both know that she would definitely want us to move on eventually." Haley said with the tears in her eyes finally falling. She knew that all of them were hurting but no one like Brooke, or perhaps, Lucas. However, the blond one made clear he didn't want to talk about it with anyone untill he talked with Brooke. "She would want us to live, Brooke, be happy."

It was the first time since the phone call Brooke gave her a few days ago, that she was actually speaking. Haley worried, just like everyone, but she knew Brooke and Haley knew she would bounce back to life once she came to terms with Peyton's death.

"I know I haven't been much help and that Peyton was everyone's friend as well but I just... I never once imagined this would actually happen, you know? Back in High School when we'd hate each other, I truly believed my life would be better without her and now I feel like such a terrible person!" Brooke was speaking between sobs with such regret that Haley couldn't help but hug her and cry too. She had cried herself to sleep with Nathan all these nights but it just wasn't the same. "Now she's gone and I can't do anything about it and I just... I just feel this horrible pain that I wish I could have gone instead."

"You could never be a terrible friend. Ever! In fact, just a few days before..." Haley trailed off, no sure how to say it. Not just for Brooke's benefit but for hers as well, "before, we were talking and she said how much she was grateful for having you by her side. Believe me, Brooke, she loved you so much."

"She loved you too" Brooke said with a small voice. It was true and she also knew Haley knew it, but it was good to hear someone else say it, since Peyton wouldn't anymore. "Just like I love you too for doing all of this for me. Really, Haley, I know this isn't easy for you and Nathan and... Oh God, Jamie! I didn't even think about him! How is he?"

At that, Haley laughed between sobs. It was just so Brooke to ask about someone else while she was crying her eyes out. "He is sad, but I've been telling him some stories about her... He actually is doing better than me or Nathan."

"Do you think you could bring him here? I need something to focus and..." Brooke caught the look in Haley's understanding eyes. "I've been a mess, I know that… You, Nathan, Millie and specially Lucas are going so out of your way for me when all of you should be grieving too... I am so sorry, Haley. I promise I'll get better."

"You were the closest to Peyton, Brooke. All of us are suffering, that's for sure, but she's been in your life longer than for any of us. We understand. Don't be sorry for it." Haley said trying to smile but failing miserably. "I'll bring Jamie here tomorrow, all right? He's asking for you for days, I just wasn't sure if you'd be ready to deal with a six years old yet."

Brooke nodded, suddenly feeling more tired than ever. Haley seemed to have noticed it, since she got up and said:

"Why don't you come downstairs to eat a bit and then you can go back to sleep?"

Brooke thought about denying it, like she have been doing for the past few weeks but when she looked at the bags under Haley's eyes, thought better of it. She suddenly realised just how much dependent of her friends she had become. All of them had jobs to go, Nathan and Haley had a son, and Mouth and Millicent didn't even live in Tree Hill anymore.

"When are Mouth and Millie going back to Omaha?"

Haley seemed surprised by her question.

"Brooke, they decided to come back to Tree Hill. Mouth already got a job." Haley said slowly as if to gauge Brooke's reaction.

"What? But how come I didn't know about it? Why are they doing this?" To be honest, she didn't know what she was feeling, she felt like they were doing this for her and that was something she hated, but at the same time, she couldn't help but want them back.

"Millie told you a few days ago... I guess you weren't paying much attention. They said Tree Hill is their home, they couldn't stay away for long." Brooke seemed relieved that it wasn't just for her, but she couldn't help but feel bad for not paying attention at her friends who were helping her out so much.

The rest of the day went as a blur. She finished with Peyton's things, which wasn't easy, and put them in a box. She couldn't bring herself yet to just give it away and she didn't want anyone else doing it. She cried with Nathan when they talked about their old relationship and how it was her who first got them together, and she actually got into the shower without Lucas coaxing her into it.

Lucas arrived at Brooke's house to a completely silence. Calling out for Nathan, he walked around the kitchen, putting the Chinese food in the counter when his brother came downstairs from Brooke's room.

"She's asleep." Nathan said with puffy red eyes, but none of them pointed it to light. "We finished packing Peyton's stuff and she was exhausted in the end." Lucas nodded not wanting to say anything. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't talk with anyone about how he felt about Peyton's death. Everyone seemed to caught on it so no one questioned him, but he could feel Nathan's worried eyes on his back while he put the plates on the table.

"You'll have dinner with us tonight?"

"No, I need to go home. Listen, I know this is hard and that you don't want to talk about it, but you know we are here for you, right?"

"I know. Thanks." Lucas didn't want to talk to anyone about it untill he had talked to Brooke first. There were some things he needed to tell her that he knew he couldn't share with anyone else untill she knew.

"I think she's getting better... You don't have to stay here every night, Luke. You know we could trade places." Nathan said.

"I know. It's just... You have Hales and Jamie, but... My house is just as empty as this one is now." It wasn't all the truth but Nathan seemed to understand.

"All right, I'll be going now then. Call me if you need anything. Bye, Luke." Nathan patted his brother on the back.

"Bye" Lucas said in a quiet voice. After Nathan left, he went to check on Brooke. He could still see the track of her tears on her face, but she seemed so peaceful that a small smile crept on his face. She was finally coming back to him.

* * *

English is not my mother tongue. If you find a mistake, please tell me so I can correct.

If there's no review, there'll be no update!

Thank you,

Lily.


	3. I'll focus on you

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill

**Let Me Love You**

**3 I'LL FOCUS ON YOU**

It was a little before six a.m. when Brooke woke up. She tried to move, but Lucas arms were wrapped around her so tightly that she couldn't do much. Brooke lifted her eyes to look at Lucas' face and, even though he was sleeping, she could see how tired he was. There were lines around his eyes that weren't there a month ago and she knew that some of them were because of her. She knew Peyton was her best friend, her soul sister, however Peyton was Lucas _soul mate_. And it was then that Brooke realised how incredibly selfish she had been ever since she got that knock on her door by that police man.

Brooke decided that she was done thinking only about herself. No. It was time to face reality and to stop relying so badly on her friends' shoulders. Specially Lucas'. _He_ was the one hurting the most and yet, here he was, being awakened every night by her nightmares, making sure she ate, when it was her who was supposed to be making certain that he was all right.

It took five good minutes for her to be able to get off the bed, and when she did, Lucas rolled over her side, his hands moving around as if looking for her. For a moment, Brooke was afraid he'd wake up, but when he just sighed and kept sleeping she left the room to go to the bathroom.

Several minutes later, she was battling the kitchen. Never was she able to cook, that was an understatement, but _come on_! It was just some eggs, how come they were black already? She just turned her back to grab some milk for five seconds and her surprise breakfast for Lucas was already spoiled. She could feel tears creeping in her eyes, why though she had no idea. And that was how Lucas found her.

Lucas woke up slightly disoriented. It was too early for Brooke to be out of bed, especially the last few weeks, when it was clear to everyone that she was trying to be swallowed by her blankets. The only other time she actually left her bed earlier was the day before when she went trough Peyton's bedroom alone. He, better than anyone, knew how independent she could be, but these kinds of things were too hard for anyone to do alone. With that in mind, he got off of the bed and went out looking for her.

Lucas found Brooke crying over some burnt eggs. Since it wasn't a secret to anyone that cooking and Brooke were never able to mix, he knew she couldn't be upset about that.

"What are you doing?" He asked with a small smile on his face, but his eyes shone with worry.

Brooke turned around started to find Lucas looking at her with anxiety in his eyes. He wasn't supposed to find her like that. He wasn't supposed to be worried about her! _She _was the one that had to be looking out for him. He was ruining everything already! Brooke opened her mouth to just say that when she realised that she couldn't just lash out on him. After all, he didn't know she decided to stop being selfish to focus on him. With a deep breath she answered:

"I was trying to fix you something to eat..." God, could she be more like a baby? Why was she crying? "But... The eggs just... I didn't know... You weren't supposed to be up, why are you up?"

Lucas was by her side in a second, holding her while she tried to understand why she was so upset about eggs.

"It's okay, it isn't your fault... Don't worry about it, okay?" He cupped her face with his two hands all the while with his bright blue eyes focused on her hazel ones. When she nodded looking even more upset with herself, Lucas sat her by the counter and said: "how about I do the cooking and you just keep me company, hum?"

"Why are you up so early?" Brooke asked while he moved around her kitchen as if he owned the place. She supposed all of her friends did that; apparently it was common sense she couldn't cook for her life.

"I missed you" was his answer. So simply and yet, so wrong. He shouldn't be missing her; he should be missing someone else, someone who was gone. She suppressed a sob. No, she was done. No more crying. Focus on Lucas' pain.

She just couldn't find in herself to ask him if he wanted to talk about it, because, honestly, she knew she didn't. And there she went again, being self-centered. So with troubled eyes, Brooke sat her fork aside and looked at Lucas. The look in his eyes told her he knew what she was trying to do.

"Lucas... I know I have been selfish with... With her gone..." Her voice broke and she had to close her eyes for a second to keep the tears at bay. The way Lucas was looking at her didn't help either. Before he could say something, she continued: "But I came to my senses and I think it's time for me to stop thinking only I am hurting. So, thank you for everything you did for me this past couple weeks, but I can manage on my own now. I know it must had taken a lot of you to be there for me when you were hurting all the same - no, much more." Brooke said with eyes fixed on his. It was obvious he wanted to interrupt her but she didn't give him a chance. "I want you to know that I'm here if you need to talk. I'll be here even if you don't."

There were so many things Lucas wanted to tell her. So many things Peyton's death brought to light... But he knew now wasn't the right time. He didn't know when would it be, but it was still too fresh for her to actually comprehend what he needed to say. At the same time, Lucas knew that Brooke valued sincerity more than anything, so he couldn't lie to her.

"There are many things I need to talk about. Things that, to be honest, I never planned to for a damn long time. But the thing is, and you've got to understand this, I don't think I'm the one hurting the most now, Brooke. I'm heartbroken, yes, I'm sad and pissed off and I've no idea how to push it aside and go on... But I _know_ I can, you know? Go on, I mean..."

Brooke understood then, that Lucas mustn't have acknowledged yet the true significance of what happened. She didn't know how exactly to call out for him when she couldn't bring herself to pronounce the words.

"How about you talk about those things, then?" Brooke asked with a gentle voice. It wasn't like she wanted to hear, she didn't want to talk about it ever, but if it'd help Lucas to recover, than she was more than willing.

"I will... When the right time comes." That was all he could say for the moment. He knew Brooke didn't understand where he was coming from; nonetheless he knew she wouldn't pressure him.

"Alright," Brooke was obvious on her intent to bring up the subject again in the future, but it was also clear that she was relieved for not having to talk about Peyton yet. "Just make sure to let me know when you're ready."

"I will." Lucas said with a small smile that Brooke answered with one of her own, though it didn't reach her eyes. "Have you packed already?" He asked while bringing the dishes to the sink.

"Packed?" Brooke asked in surprise. Packed what? What for?

"Remember a few days ago when I told you that Lindsey called about the release of my book?" Lucas said slowly as if to trigger her memory. He knew that most of the times they talked she wasn't paying attention, but he thought that one time she did, she even answered him.

"Not really..." Brooke said biting her lip. She was such a bad friend, never listening to Millie or Lucas. What was her problem?

"Well, she did. I've to go to New York today to discuss it with her. I know that it's the worst timing ever, but there's also a few things I need to tell her while I'm there and..." He caught the look in her eyes. "I can postpone it. I'll call her."

"_No_!" Brooke said, it was loud, not really screaming, but the first time she actually spoke with a normal tone. She was usually whispering now. "No," she said calmer now. "You go, don't worry about me. I was just surprised. But why do I have to pack?"

"Well... Since I won't be here tonight, we decided it'd be better if you went to Haley and Nathan's."

"That is absolutely ridiculous, Lucas. I don't need babysitting." Brooke said, rolling her eyes. "I will stay here." It was her last answer.

"Okay... I'll be here tomorrow night, anyway."

Brooke nodded glancing at the clock.

"Won't you be late for work?"

"Not really... You remember I was suspended, don't you?"

"Oh yeah... I totally forgot." Brooke said. She needed to get her act together, so much was going on around her when she had been in this limbo. "Where do you go everyday after you leave here?"

"Sometimes to the Rivercourt... Sometimes I go to the school anyway just to watch how it's going. Most of the time, though I'm home." He said passing the wet dishes for Brooke to dry. Normally he did it alone, so he couldn't help the smile that was present on his face when she joined him to the boring chores. He stopped for a second to send a message to Mouth telling him that Brooke wouldn't need Millicent today, she could open the store earlier.

Clothes over Bros were now in the hands of Millicent until Brooke was ready to take control again. They had discussed it, and Millicent got hold of the board to explain what was happening, but Brooke had to get back at the company if she wanted to stay its owner. Victoria was still trying to take control of it. All of them decided to not tell Brooke until it was necessary. Lucas thought that now, however, Brooke was almost good to go.

What Lucas didn't tell her, though was what he was doing while at home. He spent most of his time going through two boxes that had many memories of the past. He would show her soon, he knew that, but he needed it to be organised and in order for her to understand. He knew it'd be the last chance he'd get.

"When is your flight?" Brooke asked after they made themselves comfortable on her couch.

"Not until later. What do you plan to do today?"

Brooke bit on her lower lip thinking if she could do it. If it was fair to Lucas to be there with her while she did it.

"I was thinking about... Going to the hospital, you know? Donating Pe... Donating _her_ suff for the kids there... The ones who don't have it." Brooke said with a far away look.

"You are amazing, you know that, right?" Lucas said hugging her side, but at the same time, he knew it was way too early for her to do that. "How about I go with you?"

"Are you sure?" Brooke asked seeming relieved. She quickly averted her eyes. "I mean... Don't you think it'd be too much for you? Maybe it'd be better if I did it by myself."

"We'll do it together."

Brooke cried while in the hospital, she cried harder when she saw a baby resembling Angie's sleeping. She cried when she caught Lucas tears and she cried when the responsible for the children said she was a good person.

In fact, she cried most of the morning, only stopping when it was time for Lucas to go and he got that worried look in his eyes, clearly thinking if it was okay for him to leave her like that. She managed to stop, reassuring him that she'd be okay, all the while beating herself up for not focusing on him, like she promised herself she would.

When Haley arrived later with Jamie, Brooke had composed herself enough, so she wouldn't worry her godson so much. Jamie hugged her and didn't let her go for good five minutes and she remembered just how much she missed him. She told him a lot about Peyton, which surprised her for she wasn't capable of speaking about Peyton with anyone besides Lucas at night. And even then, she only did it when all lights were off and her face was pressed against his chest so he wouldn't see her eyes.

Sometimes, Haley would tell something she remembered, but most of all, she stayed out of the room, cleaning the rest of her house and doing laundry. Brooke made a note to herself to start doing it, since she needed to stop depending on her friends. They should be doing this for Lucas. _She_ should be doing this for Lucas.

Before they left, Haley pushed Brooke aside and asked:

"Are you sure you don't want to stay at our place tonight?" When she saw Brooke about to deny, she continued: "you did great today, Brooke, but you don't have to rush yourself. No one is asking you to."

"I know. I just had this epiphany when I woke up today and... I'm worried about Lucas. You know, he's pushing aside his pain for me... All of you are, actually, and I don't have the right to do that. I won't do that anymore."

"I know what you mean, but believe me, he seems to be coping with it better than anyone... Don't think you need to force yourself better if you're not ready. Okay?" Haley didn't have the heart to say that Lucas apparently didn't want anyone to be focusing on him now. She was worried sick about him but he was so centered about not talking to anyone until Brooke was ready that she knew if Brooke heard about it, she would just put on a brave face and pretend she was okay for him. Haley had no idea what he wanted to talk to Brooke about, but the last time she asked, Lucas didn't answer and Nathan convinced her to let the subject be for the while. Haley just hoped Lucas and Nathan knew what they were doing, because she didn't think Brooke was ready for any kind of added drama now.

* * *

English is not my mother tongue. If you find a mistake, please tell me so I can correct.

If there's no review, there'll be no update!

Thank you,

Lily.


	4. Make you understand

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill

**Let Me Love You**

**4 MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND**

Lucas had spent most of the dinner trying to convince Lindsey that he was okay. Granted, he wasn't, but she thought it was so much more, everyone thought so, but how could he convince her? Because honestly, yeah, he was hurt, and there was this regret that was swallowing him whole, however, it wasn't for, what people would call,_ the obvious_.

"It wasn't Peyton." And that changed everything. His voice was calm, controlled and so sure that Lindsey spent the next few seconds trying to grasp its truly meaning.

And when she did, she still smiled sadly, shaking her head.

"But it wasn't me either."

Lucas didn't want to hurt her, he never did. When he met Lindsey, he knew she wasn't the one, nevertheless, she could make him happy. He wanted so badly to make it work, and in the end, Peyton had ruined it for him. Of course, he had forgiven her when he realised it just wasn't worth it, even if Lindsey _could_ make him happy, it wouldn't be enough.

"I thought about it, I fought for that so hard. I just couldn't handle the drama anymore and you made me happy, Lindsey. You honestly did. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know." Was her answer. He made her happy too, but she wasn't one to be second, no, _third_ choice for anyone.

It was awkward, and painful, and it made the two of them incredibly uncomfortable, but it the end, they both knew their friendship could overcome that. They just needed a bit more time. So, the next day, with a lighter heart, Lucas went back home. He didn't need to tell Lindsey all of it, what was actually going on with his heart, but he knew she caught on fast enough. He just couldn't comprehend how _she_, of all people, didn't realise that in the beginning. She was, after all, his editor.

Lucas arrived in Tree Hill, and, even though he called Brooke and she made clear he could go home for she was okay, he went straight to her house. It hurt him to think she was already pushing him away when he was sure he made obvious he wanted to be there for her.

The lights were off and the house was silent when Lucas arrived. When Brooke didn't respond, he went to her bedroom to find her looking at an old album. He could see it was from her childhood with Peyton, the two of them with Barbies and missing teeth.

"Hey." Lucas greeted her softly. She seemed started to find him at her bedroom's door.

"Hey... I though you had gone home." She said wiping her eyes.

"I didn't want to. Can I see it?" He mentioned to the pictures.

"Yeah, sure." Brooke said with wide eyes. Maybe it was time, maybe he would finally stop the denial he had been in these two past weeks. She still wasn't ready, but today she had forced the feeling back so she could be there for him.

Brooke and Lucas talked for hours to end, reminiscing their childhoods. Sometimes, Peyton's name would come up, and Brooke would force herself to appear fine, but Lucas could see past it. He didn't understand why she was doing it, but it obviously had to do with him. She was trying too hard to make sure he knew she was ready to talk. He didn't pressure it, but instead, focused on their talk and on the pictures.

Brooke didn't understand why Lucas wasn't opening up. Sure, there were times where he would express his regret, his angst, but not once he told her what was on his mind. She caught a few tears in his eyes, nevertheless, he appeared to be content to just sit there with her remembering their lives before each other, and theirs lives after each other... With Peyton. She just couldn't get it. After a while, when the third album was finished, they stayed quiet for a moment, and a thought came to Brooke's mind.

"How was things with Lindsey?"

"Painfully awkward." He answered with a grimace. "But I guess she finally realised what I've been trying to say this whole time, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's just... All of the stuff we never said to each other, every time we didn't talk because we didn't know how to... Or because we were afraid of the answer... It was finally there."

"You mean, you two got the closure you needed?" Brooke asked cautiously. She saw how hard Lucas fought for Lindsey, so she knew he must have loved her a lot, but she was also aware of the fact that Peyton was Lucas' other half. She didn't know how Lucas' and Lindsey's relationship could survive that, even if Peyton was gone...

"Yeah... I thought she could be it, in the future… You know? I could grow to love her the way I was supposed to. I had to try… It was so easy with her, so free of any drama, and I guess I wanted it so hard that when it was over, I didn't know how to deal with it. So I put the blame on someone else... But in the end, after everything that happened, after Pe..., well, I just grasped the fact that Lindsey couldn't be the girl for me, no matter how hard I tried for her to be."

Brooke didn't understand what he was trying to say. Sure, she knew Lindsey wasn't his dream girl, but Peyton had been there trying to get him back for a damn long time. Brooke supposed she and Lindsay had a lot in common when it came around Lucas Scott. She too had been the rebound girl when he didn't want to admit his feelings, but now he must truly feel bad for not allowing himself to be with Peyton as soon as she got in Tree Hill.

"I'm so sorry you didn't get the chance to tell her that." Brooke said with a few tears trailing down her face. "I'm so sorry you never got that chance to make it work..." Lucas didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure how to make Brooke aware of his feelings.

"Brooke, listen to me. I was _not_ in love with Peyton." He knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear, hell, it wasn't what he wanted to say, but it'd have to do for the time being. "I loved her, more than I can express, but I wasn't _in_ love with her. You've got to understand this. If I did, I swear to you I'd have broken up with Lindsey the moment Peyton said she wanted me back."

Brooke shook her head, not giving in to him.

"No, you wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. It's okay, Luke, I understand. But you have to accept it some time. But don't you worry about that now, all right? I'll be here for you. Maybe we can get past this together..."

In reality, Brooke didn't know how they would get past this. She never once imagine that Peyton would be taken away from her life like that. She didn't want to move on, she knew she should, for her friends and for Lucas, but she didn't know how, especially because she felt like she shouldn't., she felt like she'd be betraying Peyton by moving on without her.

"No, Brooke, you don't understand. I mean what I said. _I was not in love with Peyton_." There was a seriousness in Lucas' words that Brooke just looked at him with wary eyes. Could his denial be that strong? He didn't act like that when Keith died.

"Lucas, you just wrote a book based on your love for her." Brooke still had a hard time saying her name. She needed to practice it. Preferably alone. "In fact, not only one, but _two_. I understand it's pretty hard to accept it, I spent two whole weeks thinking she was coming back, thinking it was all just a joke, but one time or another, you've got to face reality." When she saw the tired look on his face, she decided to drop the subject for now and restart the talk in the morning, when the two of them were rested. "Listen, just think about that, okay? It's pretty late and I want to go back to work tomorrow... Lets just go to bed."

Not wanting her to go to sleep before he made her realise he was serious, Lucas tried one more time:

"If she truly was the love of my life, Brooke, I would not have led Lindsey on. I would not have fought for her. The Comet was not about her either."

"You led me on, Luke, and you also fought for me. But in the end, you realised where your heart laid. I guess this time, you didn't have the time for that..." She said with such compassion that Lucas had a hard time putting his thoughts into words. And that was his biggest problem when it came down to Brooke, because the moment he chose to open his mouth to retaliate, she turned off the lights.

"I never led you on, Brooke." She thought she heard him saying, but she wasn't sure. The words blended in with the night in a whisper so soft, that, in the morning, she'd think she was already dreaming.

Brooke and Lucas had a quiet breakfast. Neither of them knew how to bring the subject up again and neither of them wanted to pretend it didn't happen. Different reasons, different goals, same sentiment. _Make the other understand_.

Brooke wanted to go to the store, she knew it'd make her feel better. Working was her way of coping on hard situations. To think Peyton was actually one of the reasons behind Clothes over Bros... To just think where the name of her fashion line came from cause a pain in her heart that she didn't know how to deal.

"I forgot to tell you, Lindsey told me I've got to go on a tour again." Lucas said while washing the dishes. It was just so right to do these kind of things with her. "I don't think it's the best of times, but..."

"I think you should go." Brooke interrupted him. It would be weird not having Lucas around, but she knew it'd be a great time for him to think things trough. To have a time alone and come to terms with everything that was going on. At the same time, though, she wasn't so sure if it was a good idea to leave him alone for long. Who knew what kind of depression he could get when he finally realised what he lost?

"I won't be leaving for long, but Brooke, we need to talk before I go. I leave this weekend and before that, I need to make some things clear." He said with a wariness that wasn't all unlike him. Lucas always was like that when he wanted to make people know when he was serious. Brooke was used to it but she was also used to Lucas not knowing how he truly felt.

"I know. I need to go to the store first, but when I come back, we can talk. I just want you to promise me that you'll think about what we talked yesterday first, okay?"

"I will." He said, however all in all, he had spent most of the night awake thinking about it. "But you have to think about what _I_ said too."

"Okay." She said. He didn't believe it.

Brooke spent most of her day going through her sketches. She knew they were good, and by the time she was finished with them, there was no way Victoria could say she was needed. There was a beauty in it that had everything to do with how things were going with her life. Brooke knew that all of her hurt had been put on those designs, all of her passion, anger and despair was on it. The board would love it.

She talked with Millicent and she knew things weren't in the bright side for her. Victoria was making sure the board knew she wasn't prepared to deal with a huge company on her own and, with her breakdown with Peyton's death, she knew some of them were falling for her plot. She had to make sure they knew who was the head and heart behind Clothes over Bros. She would to that for Peyton.

Victoria was also making sure Brooke knew what she was thinking about the ordeal. Her mother had never been a Peyton's fan, but to hear her say it was so devastating, Brooke's heart broke even more. Because now she was sure, she didn't have a mother.

By lunchtime, she and Haley went to a restaurant and, even though she wasn't hungry, she ate a little to put her friend's mind at easy. Haley could tell Brooke was having a hard time and she didn't know how to break the news.

"So... Did you know that there's this guy who might be Peyton's father?"

"Larry was her father."

"I know... I just... Listen, Brooke, Mia told me she was working on this guy named Mick Wolf who is actually pretty famous, and..."

"I know." Brooke cut her off. "Pe... She told me. But she also said the guy was a dick."

"He... He wants to buy Peyton's label."

When all Brooke did was stare at her, Haley got worried. She knew Peyton's subject was something Brooke still was coming to terms with, in all honesty, everyone was, but Brooke deserved to know.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I didn't talk to him, he talked to Mia... She just said she would think about it but she wanted our opinion. Lucas' too." Haley said with downcast eyes. "I don't think it's a good idea, to be honest, but I don't want to just let her business go, you know? She worked so hard for it, and she loved it so much..."

Brooke had no idea what to think about that. If she could, she herself would assume the label, but she had no idea how that worked.

"I don't want him to have it, Haley. I don't want anyone to have it, but... I don't know, I don't think anyone deserves it, him mostly of all... I just don't know..." She finished unsure. She didn't want just anyone having what Peyton worked so hard to achieve, but she was with Haley on this. It could not go to waste. "Maybe we could get someone else... Someone who knew her and who wouldn't just... You know..."

"I know. I was thinking about Jake...?" Haley said with hoping eyes. She and Jake had been talking ever since the funeral, and she knew Jake had loved Peyton dearly in the past.

"Jake?"

"Yeah... He was here for the funeral, remember?" At Brooke's nod, Haley continued: "he actually is a musician himself, but his band never got to meet a recorder. I don't think Peyton knew about that... Anyway, perhaps he could help? He said the band was more like a distraction, he's working at a music shop part-time, and is a school teacher as well..."

"Oh... Jake huh... Yeah... Maybe it could work. I'll talk with Lucas about it." Brooke said still sounding uncertain. She liked Jake, always had, but gosh, no one deserved Peyton's business.

"How is he, by the way?"

"I think he still didn't grasp what happened yet..." Brooke said. She desperately needed Haley's advice on this, but she didn't think it was fair to just throw her problems at the woman. "He's saying he wasn't in love with her and stuff..."

Haley's eyes widened at that.

"He told you that?" Haley wasn't so surprised that Lucas wasn't in love with Peyton. To be fair, she never thought he was ever since he got back with Brooke in High School. She just didn't think he'd actually voice it, especially to Brooke.

"Yeah... I know, it's crazy. I don't understand why's he doing it, you know? I mean, I thought it was perhaps that if he did believe it, it'd hurt him less, but he seems so frustrated every time I mention it."

"Brooke... Maybe he wasn't, you know? In love with her, I mean. Too many time has passed, perhaps he doesn't feel that way anymore, don't you think?"

"No... Come on, Hales, you know how they were star-crossed lovers. You saw it, I saw it. _He_ saw it! I just think he's trying to make himself believe it so hard that it's working."

"Just give him some time, Tigger. Talk to him and _listen_ to what he has to say. Who knows, perhaps he has a point." Was all Haley had to say. She was beginning to think she understood what Lucas was trying to do. She didn't know if it was a good idea, but she wasn't going to stop it. They all could use some happiness these days.

"Yeah... He's going on a tour this weekend, actually. I think it's a great time for him to stop for a while and just think, you know? Do what he does best: brood!" It was the first time since the accident that Brooke actually attempt to make a joke. Granted, it was an old one, but Haley beamed at her. "What I'm worried about now is, what if he sees that she was the one for him and he's all devastated and alone out there? With no one to make sure he's okay?" Brooke bit her lip searching for answers in Haley's eyes.

"Well, we'll just have to make sure he remembers he's not, though, huh?" Haley said with a gentle voice.

Brooke arrived home a little past nine that night, having closing the store that day. She was too tired to have any kind of talk with Lucas about his heart's denial or _not_. Victoria had all but changed her number, and Brooke had to listen her blabbing for _two hours _straight.

When they got into a screaming match and Brooke broke into tears, she decided it was better to just hang up than to keep listening to the older woman's voice. She had to turn her mobile off, because Victoria just didn't know when to stop.

"Hey." She grunted to Lucas who was sitting on the sofa watching a basketball game.

"Hey, yourself." He said looking at her. He could see she was tired, so he promptly got to his feet and offered: "how about some pizza?"

"Sounds good." Brooke answer came in a groan as she shook off her shoes. "How was your day?"

"Boring. The team lost a match today."

"Sorry to hear that."

"It's okay... Just two more weeks before I'm back." He smiled for a moment. "Why so tired?" He asked with concern.

"Victoria being a bitch." She said with little importance. She did not want to talk about that.

They made conversation quietly during dinner, nothing of much importance. The both of them dancing around the subject they knew they'd have to talk at some point.

"I forgot to tell you... Did you know P... Peyton had found her biological father?" Brooke asked. Her voice quivered at her best friend's name. It was the first time she voice it ever since the phone call she made to Haley.

"What? Serious? No. I didn't." Lucas said surprised. He had no idea.

"Yeah, Wolf is his name. He's supposed to be famous, never heard of him though. Anyway, he's a douche. Actually stood her up to get drunk when they had a date."

"Wow..." He didn't know what to think about that. If it had been a few years ago, he might have gone after the guy just to make sure he knew what he had lost.

"Haley said he wants to buy the label." Brooke said looking lost. When a whole minute went by without Lucas making a sound, she glanced at him. He was looking at her with concern, anger and a bit of melancholy.

"I don't think he deserves it. If he didn't want to know her, he can't have what she loved and worked for most in her life."

"Yeah... Well... Haley came up with an idea, though..." Brooke didn't know how to tell him about Jake. Truth was, they were friends back in High School, but that didn't change that Jake and Peyton had history together. She didn't know how Lucas would take that.

"Yeah, what is it?" Lucas was sure Haley would find someone worth Peyton's work. He didn't think anyone deserved it, but he didn't want it to be forgotten.

"Jake Jagielski." Brooke said. She seemed afraid of his reaction, and when he broke into a grin, she looked lost. "You not mad?"

"No... I think it's perfect! If I were to trust anyone with Peyton's work, it'd definitely be Jake Jagielski!" Lucas had stayed in touch with Jake after they parted in the funeral, just like the rest of the gang. The only one who didn't was Brooke, but no one blamed her for it. She had just start talking with them two days ago, so who was to blame her for not thinking about Jake?

"Are you sure?" She asked seeming uneasy.

"Yeah. Why? You don't think it's a good idea?" He thought it was, but he wanted to make sure she thought so too.

"I do... I just thought you'd be uncomfortable." She said, but she herself was uncomfortable. She liked Jake, but it wasn't his job. He didn't have to do it. Peyton did. _She should be alive_.

Lucas seemed to know what she was thinking for he pulled her into his arms. "He'll take good care of it, Brooke." He said. And when she nodded, he let her go and stared into her eyes. "We need to talk."

Taking a deep breath, Brooke said:

"Yeah... We do."

"Listen, I know I've said it before, but I don't think you believed me. I honestly have no idea why, though, because I thought that it was clear. I _do_ love Peyton. I _do_ wanted her in my life. I do regret things left unsaid and I do think I'm putting my pain away. But I am not in love with her. Trust me on this, Brooke."

"You just said you're putting it away, Luke. You're not coming to terms with it. You're trying to make yourself believe you didn't love her to make it easier, but it'll come back to you one day. And it's gonna be hard." She said firmly, brushing his hair.

"Brooke, it's not that. I've known for a long time that I didn't feel that way about her and I've tried to tell everyone that. But all of you are so set on that she was my soul mate that you don't _want_ to believe me. I'm putting it away because the last thing I told her was that I hated her. I'm putting away because I knew _she_ was in love with me and I broke her heart with a lie so big that she _died_ believing it. And now, I'll _never_ have the chance to tell her that. That I don't hate her, that I could _never_ hate her. That she didn't ruin my life, and that she _was_, in fact the comet. That she did bring something so amazing to light that I could never hate her for that. But that's it. She brought me Nathan, Jamie, you. And I'll _always_ love her for that, but I am not in love with Peyton." Lucas said and Brooke believed him.

"But if she was the comet..." Brooke stopped, unsure. She believed him when he said he wasn't in love with Peyton anymore, but there was still a nagging felling in the back of her mind that told her that it wasn't right for Lucas _not_ to be in love with her.

"I told you that I had many things I needed to tell you before I left to New York. This is one of them. It still isn't the right time, Brooke, but I've got to make you understand this. When I first came to the team, I saw many things changing in my life. I'd be part of something I wanted for so long yet, denied it for longer, I could prove Dan that I was worth... So many things would change and I... I'd get to know Peyton, you know? I _thought_ I loved her ever since I was fourteen, I had her on my lookout for longer, and that was the main reason I thought being on the team was worth. And so I was set on getting to know her, and with that, came Nate, my _brother_. It came Haley being in love with Nate and giving me my godson, it came _you_ being naked on my backseat. It came the championship, it came to Peyton being an amazing friend but that was it, you know? The day she called me when her car broke down, was the day I realised how great things could be if she ever were in my life. For all what she brought me, she _was_ the comet. But the book was not about her, or my love for her for that matter. It was about what the comet brought to light."

"An amazing friend? You asked her in _marriage_, Luke."

"I was settling." He said in a small voice. "I don't want to go on with this now... Just - just tell me you believe me." There was something akin to desperation in his voice that made Brooke close her mouth and nod.

"Okay, Luke. You say you weren't in love with her and I believe you. I don't get it, honestly I don't, but I believe you."

"That's all I want for now." He smiled.

* * *

English is not my mother tongue. If you find a mistake, please tell me so I can correct.

If there's no review, there'll be no update!

Thank you,

Lily.


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